I Thought I’d Be Further By Now

When I was 19, I switched colleges and majors. At the time, it felt like I’d failed. Not because anyone said so but because the narrative in my head was loud and looping: You’re behind. You wasted your parents’ money. You’re not where you’re supposed to be.

That was the first time I felt the pressure of a “professional timeline.”

I’m 28 now. I’ve changed industries. Been laid off. Landed somewhere completely unexpected. I’ve questioned whether I knew enough to be in the room. And I’ve learned that almost everyone is carrying the same self-doubt, just dressed in different clothes.

Let’s talk about that.

Imposter Syndrome wears a lot of hats. Sometimes it’s the voice that shows up before you even send the email. Sometimes it’s when you get the promotion and think, wait… do I actually know what I’m doing?

Mine doesn’t say “you don’t deserve this.” It says “you don’t know enough.” It says “don’t mess this up.” It builds mountains out of mundane tasks. But then, in a split second, it disappears the moment someone compliments my work. For a second, I remember I do know what I’m doing. Until the next task brings the doubt right back.

That loop? I’ve learned it’s common. Especially among people who actually care.

Being hard on yourself is easy. I’ve had so many people — my girlfriend, my parents, my friends, my doctor, my therapist — all tell me the same thing: you’re too hard on yourself. And honestly? They’re right.

We often expect perfection from ourselves in a way we’d never demand of others. And when that’s your default lens, you don’t even see how much you’re carrying. It’s a blind spot. But once it’s named, you have the opportunity to actually do something about it.

That’s what I’ve been working on. Slowly. Quietly. Consistently.

Social media isn’t helping. I’m happy for my friends. I really am. But when you see a constant scroll of promotions, engagements, house closings, and “baby’s first everything,” it’s hard not to turn inward and ask: what about me?

And that’s the paradox of modern connection — we’re more in touch, but more self-critical. We're conditioned to compare. Conditioned to question our timeline. Conditioned to think success is a straight line that everyone else seems to be on… except us.

We often forget, success isn’t built like a ladder. It looks more like a storm cloud. One a 3-year-old drew, with no shading and scribbled lines going in every direction.

Mine has included:

• Leaving behind a major I chose for the perks, not the passion

• Rebuilding after a layoff that left me gutted

• Realizing I care more about meaningful work than money (even if the world tells me otherwise)

• Landing in a marketing role at a seafood company and thinking, “this is unexpected, but I can grow here”

There wasn’t a defining moment where everything clicked. Just small, consistent reminders of what I don’t want — and an evolving understanding of what I do.

At the end of the day, there’s no quick fixes, and certainly no “influencer wisdom” from me. I’m not here to sell a course. I’m not going to tell you to manifest it or “just find your why.” Life is hard. People struggle. Some days are good, some are brutal. That’s the deal.

But if you’re feeling behind? You’re not broken.

If you’re questioning whether you’re good enough? You’re probably the kind of person who wants to get it right. That’s a good sign.

If you’re silently screaming at yourself to “do more”? You might need to sit with why you’re screaming in the first place.

So why am I sharing this? Because I’ve always worn my heart on my sleeve. It’s hard. People can read you like a book. But there’s a strange freedom in transparency, it invites others to help when you don’t know how to ask.

I’m finally proud of where I’m at. Not because it’s glamorous. But because I’m learning to be proud of the work in progress.

We don’t talk enough about how many of us feel the same way: stuck, unsure, “behind,” tired of being tired. But we should. Because we’re not alone. And maybe saying it out loud gives someone else permission to stop pretending, too.

If this hit home, feel free to connect. I’d rather build with people being honest than people playing pretend.